King Black Dragon VS Kalphite Queen

In the dinner table of the Gods of Runescape, wherever that may be...

Zammy: Hey baldy, pass the salt!

Sara : Okay, that’s it, this is the last straw!!

(Snaps Zammy’s staff on his knee)

Zammy: *Sniff* I REALLY LIKED THAT STAFF, THIS IS WAR!! VARROCK IS GOING DOWN BITCHES!!

(Prepares to summon balls of flame to burn Varrock to the ground)

(Vines grab his hand)

Guthix: Ah, remember our promise, no interference with the mortal realm rash one.

Zammy: Hmm, you got a point; I can’t destroy Varrock…But the Kalphite Queen can!!

(Teleports to Kalphite Lair and releases the Kalphites)

Sara: Two can play at that game.

(Teleports to the KBD lair)

Sara: Fancy stretching your wings a bit, O great King of Dragons?

KBD: RAAGH!! (Roasts Sara with his dragon breath)

Sara: I take that as a yes…

(Teleports him out to Lumby)

In Lumby…

Noob 1 : Me1ee pwnz00r a11 0f u n00bs! Me1ee FTW!!

Noob 2 : N00b, m4h r4ng3 0wnz 3v3ry1!!

Noob 3 : M4g3 1s da b35t, p00nz a11!!

(KBD appears in their mist)

All Noobs : ATTACK!!

(Training sword, training arrows and wind strike all hit the KBD for a total of 0 damage, snorts and does 10 damage to all the noobs, killing them all)

Noob 1 : H4XX0R!!

Noob 2 : N00b, I c0m3 on m4h m41n and p00n y0ur a55!!

Noob : R3p0rt3d!!

(Since this is Lumby, the noobs respawn right where they died)

Noob 2 : H3y, a11 0ur st00f 1s st1ll h3r3!!

(All grab their weapons and attack the KBD as it walks on to Varrock)

In Varrock…


(All the guards are assembled to defend the city)
Head Guard : Now lads, we’ve been through everything, from noobs looking for punching bags, to rangers with itchy trigger fingers, to ancient mages who fancy a Guard Popsicle. Now we must rally together to protect our fair Saradominian city from….

(All the guards drop their swords and run away)

Head Guard : Guys, the refreshments haven’t been brought…

(Kalphite Queen steps on him, before letting loose a barrage of blasts at the buildings)

(A fireball lands at her feet)

KBD : RARGH!! I ROAST YOU!!

(KBD and Kalphite Queen begin duking it out)

(They hurl attack after attack at each other, often missing and hitting players and buildings in the vicinity)

Newspaper man : Extra, extra, read all about!! KBD and Kalphite Queen doing battle in Varrock, with 3 noobs in tow!!

(KBD strikes a sure kill blow through the Queen’s head)

KBD : *Roars in triumph*

(Kalphite Queen splits open to the flying form)

KBD : Oh, son of a….

Queen : Now for round 2

(Slams KBD through the Grand Exchange)

Merchants Nearby : YAY!!

Dying G.E Clerk : But….All…The….Phats….Were…..In….There…..

Merchants : F#@*!!!

Queen : Come forth my minions, and strike down this hateful dragon!!

(Kalphites of all kinds start pouring out of the ground)

KBD : Dragons of Runescape, answer to your King!!

(Dragons of all kinds line up behind the KBD)

Player 1 : Taking bets!! 3 to 1 on the Kalphites, 2 to 1 on the Dragons!!

(The two sides tear at each other)

(Camera zooms into different battle scenes)

(An Iron Dragon tearing a Kalphite Guardian apart with ease)

(A Green Dragon being KO’ed by a Kalphite Soldier)

(A Mithril Dragon takes on 2 Kalphite Guardians)

(Hundreds of Kalphite Workers swarm a Black Dragon)

(The carnage lasts for hours. Soon all the summoned fighters are dead and only the King and Queen are left.)

(They charge up for their most powerful magical attack yet and release both simultaneously!! Their attacks collide in mid air and explode!)

*Mushroom cloud forms over Varrock* (Or what is left of it anyway…)

(Both the King and Queen still stand, glaring at each other like something out of a samurai movie. Who will fall first??)

(The Queen finally collapses to the ground, ending the standoff)

(The KBD roars in victory, having survived with just 1 hp)

Noob 1 : A11 att4ck s4m3 sp0t!!

(All three noobs strike the exact same spot with their training swords, training arrows and wind strikes, inflicting 1 damage. Which in this case, kills the dragon)

All Noobs : W3 W1N!!! W3 0WNZ00R TH3 DR4G0N N00B!!

(The KBD falls over and crushes all of them)

All Noobs : H4XX0R!!

The End!!